The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
