We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
