I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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