Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize