dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
two words: eviction party
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
