I think my vagina is haunted
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
