Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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