im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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