Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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