so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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