I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
