I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
