I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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