Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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