Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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