It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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