I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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