I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
