I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
