So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
