just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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