Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
