I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
