You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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