i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
