Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
worst night to have a conscience
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
