yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
