I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
