so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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