So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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