Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
