there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
