shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
