sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
