So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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