Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
