They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
