my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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