Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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