Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
