His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
