I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My vagina just recognized that song.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
