just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
bring money and cleavage
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
