It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
