there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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