when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
