I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
