I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
