high people should be assigned attendants
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
