I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
