I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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