and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
