i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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