weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize