I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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