im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
