New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
