its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
