It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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