I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
