You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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