We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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