a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
