Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
