I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this just has baby written all over it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
