omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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