Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
