Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
