Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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