I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
