i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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