Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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