Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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