so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
