before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
