And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
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