Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
