Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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