She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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