i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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