are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
