Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
