I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize