you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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