Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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