i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
