life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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