I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
