is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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