to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
