that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
