Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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