I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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