my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
