That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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