We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize