I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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