i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
