so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Green mimosas i think yes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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