I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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