On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
