he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
